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[personal profile] askmetobelieve
You know when I read the letters on transletters on LJ it just makes me want to cry. To see other people dealing with the same fears as myself. To be frightened to death to tell their parents/friends about who they really are. I sit there and just cry because I know how bad it hurts to carry this secret and not be able to tell those closest to you. To not be able to tell the ones who matter the most. It was no big deal telling you guys because I knew that you would accept me with open arms. With my dad, as much as I'd like to believe that is the case, I really don't see it happening that way. He always tells me he loves me no matter what. And in my mind I'm thinking 'really? are you sure?' He's been so supportive through everything. Through the cutting and the whole bipolar/ptsd drama and dealing with doctor after doctor. And paying all this money just to make sure i'm okay. And I feel like if I do tell him it will just be another burden I'm putting on his back for him to carry. It feels like I'm crushing him with everything I've put him through. I know I didn't ask for any of this but it doesn't make the feelings go away any quicker. And I know that if I tell him it's ultimately his decision on how to handle it. But I don't want to be the one to break him. And I'm afraid I will be.
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23, live in Manassas, Virginia. I have bipolar disorder and PTSD. I am transgender [pre-everything]

August 2009

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