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[personal profile] askmetobelieve



            There is something that I have been keeping a secret for a long while now. I want nothing more than to be open and honest with you about everything in my life. I’m not good at speaking when it comes to things like this so I thought it would be better to write it out instead. This is easily one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to tell you. Please just take your time and read this whole letter.


            For as long as I can remember I’ve had these thoughts that I didn’t fully understand until the last few years. I remember growing up thinking that I was not all that comfortable in my own skin. I thought maybe I wasn’t giving being a girl a good enough shot or it was a problem with my weight or something like that. I tried growing out my hair and dressing in a girly manner. It didn’t help, if anything it made me feel more awkward. It didn’t go away when I lost weight either. But as I started maturing I realized that it those weren’t the issues.  I can recall having thoughts like ‘I wish I was a boy’ or ‘why can’t I be a boy’ from a young age.  That being said I’ve come to the conclusion that I am transgender. That means I may be female on the outside but I feel male on the inside. I feel more comfortable referring to myself as a male, using a male name, and having people use male pronouns [he/his] when they refer to me. I don’t know that I can fully explain why I feel this way but it’s just something that I know to be true in my heart. I know these feelings and thoughts have been there for years but I just tried to hide them or pretend they didn’t exist. It didn’t really click up until the last couple of years that I am transgender.


                        I know that I am not the woman you wanted me to be, but I hope I am a child you can be proud of. We have been through so much together, good and bad. The only hope that I have right now is that you will continue to be there by my side. I love you and respect you so very much. I’m not asking you to accept me as a man. I’m merely asking you to continue to be there for me. When I introduce myself to people I use the name Cole, this is the name I have chosen to go by.  I hope to legally change it when I get the chance to do so. I know you probably have questions, some of which I might not be able to explain. I’ll try my best though.


I couldn’t ask for a better father or a better friend. I’ve told you all of this so we could continue to be honest with each other about everything in out lives. I’m finally starting to feel happy in my life, something I wasn’t sure could ever happen. I just want you to know I love you very much. I know this has probably been very hard for you to hear and it wasn’t my intention to hurt you in any way. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me just having you listen to what I have to say.



Love always,


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23, live in Manassas, Virginia. I have bipolar disorder and PTSD. I am transgender [pre-everything]

August 2009

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